So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
