and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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