My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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