SEEEEXXX PLEASE
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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