I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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