I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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