eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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