who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
