its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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