How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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