It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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