he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
