I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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