I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
