Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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