my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
