I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
