I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
His nipple licking is glorious
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