I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Randomize
