Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
