Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
