All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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