In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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