dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
