it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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