So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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