i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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