I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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