Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
