She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
