i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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