Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
