Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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