dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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