Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
