I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
