She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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