I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
