i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
