yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
