those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
