I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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