i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
