Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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