ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
