So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
And then he peed in my hair
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