Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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