who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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