Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
