Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
i drank out of a bidet.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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