My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
