This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
