I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Text me some of your sweat
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
