I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
